The Cult of the Hairy Trishnas has an exciting opportunity for an unpaid internship as my Technology Guru. In this role, you will:
*Keep track of all of my many passwords (so. Many. Passwords. To. Remember! WOOF!)
*Learn how to use various software that I need to use and then teach me in a non-judgmental, non condescending manner (seriously! I am not stupid! TECHNOLOGY is stupid!)
*Be available 24/7 to answer questions and fix problems when I click things too many times then freeze my computer
*Unsubscribe me from the 1148 different companies that have me on a mailing list for some reason
*Provide emotional support when I struggle to edit a PDF
*Fetch me coffee, bitch!
*Be familiar with my frequent references to pop culture such as Harry Potter, Star Trek and Pee Wee's Big Adventure
*Do the hard work but let me accept credit for it
*Rub my back while telling me it's going to be OK
*Laugh at my jokes
*Be a Millennial
*Anticipate my needs and possibly have the ability to look into my future
The rewards you will receive in exchange for your services are not so much financial, (It is an unpaid internship) as they are character building. I offer the following in compensation:
*Quality time with me which will immediately boost your "Cool" factor
*Badass job title of your choosing such as Tech God, Millennial Guru or VP of Awesomeness
*Mentorship. You can be successful and happy by observing my behavior and doing the OPPOSITE
*I will share my snacks with you (and I always have the best snacks on hand, ALWAYS!)
*Your pick of movies to watch from my extensive collection of DVDs.
*Education about the history of technology including WHAT a DVD is and how to operate a DVD player
*Experience dealing with an abusive boss
Please compose a short haiku poem detailing your qualifications, write it on a Zig Zag then roll a joint with said Zig Zag in application for the job. (To be submitted and smoked by Tricia).
All bribes will be considered especially if accompanied by compliments
No weirdos (I prefer to be the eccentric one in my relationships)
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