Thanksgiving weekend is traditionally a time to momentarily stop being a self centered jerk and reflect upon the many blessings we have in our lives and to show gratitude for said blessings. It is important to show gratitude for friends, family and good health but this year I am expanding the list of things I give thanks for to include some non-traditional blessings.
I am thankful for the comet that killed the dinosaurs. Without that fateful landing on earth that ultimately ended the era of the great lizard, fossil fuels would not exist and we would have to walk to work instead of drive. Truly a blessing for lazy people like me that don't want to get sweaty.
I am thankful for the invention of elastic waisted pants. Thanksgiving is definitely a holiday that requires pants that "grow" with you.
I am thankful for the invention of Netflix and other on demand entertainment streaming services. Who knew that one day we could watch a movie on our phone while pooping in a gas station toilet? What an amazing time to be alive!
This year I give thanks for Spanx, the body shaping undergarments that suck your fat in...not spanks in the "punishment for being naughty" sense...although some of you may be grateful for getting or giving spanks. No judgement here
I am grateful for the person that invented air conditioning. Thank you for helping a curvy girl keep her boob sweat under control.
I am grateful for the gift that is marijuana. It has literally helped me through EVERY dark time in my life since my late teens. It sparks my creativity. It is the spice that makes ALL food delicious. It helps me sleep and dulls the pain. It makes me a more interesting person overall despite the fact that overconsumption has blown out a big chunk of my ability to remember things such as peoples names, Doctor appointments and the 8 thousand passwords I need to live in this modern digital world. The wonderful thing is, however, when I get sad about my shitty memory, I just smoke a joint...and I quit caring. It is remarkable!
I am grateful for karaoke! Where else can a talentless hack of a singer find an audience to torture while they fulfill some Rock Star fantasy from their youth?1? Thank you countless drunk people politely clapping despite me butchering "I will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor. You are the BEST!
I am grateful for deodorant and for the people that use it. Thanks for trying to keep our human stench at bay and making the world a bit less nauseating. You are all champs!
I am thankful for clean underpants. No need to elaborate, I think.
I am grateful for You Tube. You have been an educator, source of entertainment, a recipe book and and endless source for cute dog and cat videos. You make the world a better place, You Tube. Thank you.
I am EXTREMELY thankful to be Canadian for so many reasons. This year I would like to add that I am EXTREMELY grateful that I am NOT American. No need to elaborate on this one either, I think.
My wish for all of you, dear Cult members during this holiday season is that your lives are filled with peace and joy. If peace and joy are not to be found, then I wish for you to have sufficient booze and drugs on hand to withstand the storm. Happy Thanksgiving, folks! What are you Thankful for...besides the most recent blog from Tricia?
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